Our Back Garden

We watched our children play in this garden.

.

These are the paths

That felt the patter of tiny shoes

As they chased chickens and footballs

And a big brother on his bike.

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This is the grass

That cushioned our picnics

The blanket which held us

As we made shapes out of clouds.

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This is the patio

Which was also a gallery

Of chalk pictures

And mazes

And fading water paintings.

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This is the apple tree

Which gave us more than just fruit.

Knobbly and bobbly

It saw 2 little boys with wicker baskets

Learning to count

As they filled up their trugs

Dreaming of crumbles and loaf cakes.

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These are the roses

Whose petals made perfume

Mixed with daisies and grass

Little hands stirring with grubby sticks.

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These are the sun loungers

One, two, three

For after-school-chats, Shua, Woo and Me.

Covered in ice lolly drips

And fabric rips.

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This is the hutch

Which housed 13 rabbits

Its hard to be poetic about something that was

Total Chaos

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This is the place

Which saw rosy-cheeked boys in woolly mittens and bobble hats

And tiny tabletop snowmen.

Playdates and playmates,

Echoes of Easter egg hunts and obstacle races,

Birthdays parties and raking leaves.

The spot we sat for our picnic the day before you started school,

Our little piece of perfect.

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This is the bench

Which faced the sunset

And held us back then.

I remember that evening so clearly

When I imagined how perfect life would be

When we could watch our children

Play in this garden

The Third Child

“It’s the third child”

They say

When he’s been woken up for the school run again

When he’s still in his pyjamas

When his blankets have flowers on

And his trousers are bobbled.

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“It’s the third child”

They smile

When he’s running like he’s wild

When he’s not clinging to me like a limpet

And shouts along with the noise.

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“It’s the third child”

They nod

When he’s not sitting down to eat

Like I’ve given up on any discipline

Like there’s no energy for these battles.

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“It’s the third child”

They laugh

When snacks are all out of packets

When nothing’s organic

And his best food is cake.

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“He’s my third child”

I smile.

As I do this thing more confidently.

As I appreciate his tininess and cherish sleepy cuddles.

As I hold onto toothy smiles and words only I understand.

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“He’s my third child”

I pause.

As I tuck the feel of his soft hair and warm hands deep in my heart.

As I cradle his squishiness and commit it to my forever memory.

As I breathe it all in, all of it, even if the baby record book is unfilled.

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“He’s my third child”

I yawn.

As I read him endless stories rather than pureeing broccoli.

As I embrace his spirit and not wonder whether I’m doing this thing right.

As I ignore the books and the websites and the forums (this time).

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“He’s my third child”

I cry

As my heart bursts seeing the love between 3 best friends.

As I look at the little team we’ve made.

As I treasure each little first and each precious last in the way only a 3rd time mama can understand.

They’re really

Not little

For very long